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  这篇范文符合“四块论”的基本模式,正反论述兼顾,结构严谨,中心突出。
  
  二、句子修辞
  
  (一)应用修辞,增强说服力
  
  适当采用比喻、头韵(即连续数个单词的头音或头字母相同)、夸张等修辞手法,采用幽默、平行结构等写作手法,可以把道理说得更加透彻,把观点表达得更加鲜明,把平淡的内容表现得更加生动,从而更好地传递信息,增添文采,激发读者的共鸣。例如:
  
  1.Many people have tried a thousand times before they achieve their goals.(夸张)
  
  2.Only a madman would choose to live in a modern city.(夸张)
  
  3.Our life would be like soup without salt or flowers without sunlight.(比喻)
  
  4.The best way is to reduce,reuse and recycle.(头韵)
  
  5.For children.the Internet is another way to waste more hours.(幽默)
  
  6.If you want to earn a satisfactory grade in the training program,you must arrive punctually,you must behave courteously,and you must study conscientiously.(平行结构)
  
  值得注意的是,比喻等修辞格的使用及谚语等的引用关乎作者对英语文化的理解,因为它们在英语中的意义往往与我们的理解大相径庭,很容易误用。只有多多学习,认真分析它们的应用环境,使用起来才能锦上添花。如果没有十分的把握,切不可生搬硬套,否则会适得其反。
  
  (二)表达到位,才能言之成理通常。
  
  作者对自己论述的观点是清楚的,但在将观点传达给读者时,往往因为用词不准确,逻辑欠严密,或因受中国式思维的干扰而令表达不到位,结果使读者如堕五里雾中。作者应站在读者的立场上考虑问题,始终牢记“读者明不明白”才是判断写作是否成功的最重要标准。请看以下几个表达不到位的例句及其改正方法。
  
  1.They gave me what I need,but not what I want.析:want可译为“想要”。从汉语角度看,整个句子是流畅的,但从英语的逻辑上看,want与need的意义极易混淆,因此整个句子意义表达不到位,含糊不清。可以改为:They have given me what I need but not What I often ask for. (来源:老牌的英语学习网站 http://www.EnglishCN.com)
  
  2.Maybe there are also some disadvantages of living in a city,but I think they are less important.I feel convenient and comfortable.析:句子后半部分的逻辑关系未交代清楚,令人有“前语不搭后语”的感觉。可以改为:Theere are surely disadvantages of living in a city,too,but they are less important and tend to be de-emphasized.For the sake of the advantages mentioned above,I prefer to live in a city.
  
  3.Different people have different choices.Some people like living in a city and some people like living in a village.析:Choice的含义十分宽泛,因此与后面的like不相称,应改为:Different people have different likes and dislikes.Some like to live in a city,others like to live in a village.
  
  4.The people,the society and so on were quite different from now.析:The people,the society依然不足以让读者完全理解要论述的话题,可改为:The peopIe,the society and other aspects of life were quite different from now.
  
  5.Thieves should be sentenced for what they have done.析:使用sentence未免言过其实,应改为:Thieves should be punished for their wrongdoing.
  
  (三)简洁洗练,要言不烦语言简洁有力。
  
  文风干净利落,是议论文的重要特征之一。应该指出的是,好句子并不以长短论英雄,长句未必不简洁,短句未必不哆咳。作者在写作时,只要力求做到“章无冗段,段无冗句,句无冗词”,就可改变当断不断、拖泥带水的现象。
  
  1.The Are No Good Reasons Why Boys and Girls Should Not Be Treated Equally.析:此为一标题句,此作者滥用双重否定,从而使句子过长。宜改为:Boys and Girls Should Be Given Equal Treatment.
  
  2.For instance,I knew how to communicate with other people and how to look after myself.The most important thing was that I learn to be independent.析:从意义上讲,look after myself与independent关系紧密,可以合在一起。句子可改为:For instance,I knew how to communicate with others and how to look after myself as an independent girl.
  
  3.Moreover,as some girls study harder than boys,they may be even superior.析:moreover后若继续用从句,就会干扰读者的思维。可改为:Moreover,some girls are very dilgent.As a result,they may prove superior to ordinary boys.
  
  4.What I mean to say is that well-intentioned law-makers sometimes make fools of themselves.析:what从句并未提供新信息,故可删去。句子可改为:Well-intentioned law—makers sometimes make fools of themselves.
  
  三、词汇运用
  
  (一)多用书面语,少用口头语
  
  相对口头语而言,书面语更能增添文章的厚重感和读者对文章的信任感。下列每一组句子中,第二句都使用了书面语言,用词更加规范,因而比前一个句子略胜—筹。
  
  1.We still have the social problems.
  
  The same social problems still exist today.
  
  2.For me,there is no need for further protection of woodlands.
  
  As far as I‘m concerned,further protection of woodlands is not needed.
  
  3.With the development of computer technology, commercial information exchange is becoming easier.
  
 
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